In the future, fat police take no prisoners

By Bob Huber: Local Columnist Notes from a historian of the future: Here at the Corporation for Better Health through Chemistry, we in the history department are researching the ill-fated Fat Revolt of 2004. Our investigation uncovered several first-person accounts, all written in brown gravy. To clearly define the opposing forces of that historic event […]

Santa Claus has his own Christmas story

By Ned Cantwell Some years back this writer landed an exclusive interview with Santa Claus and wrote the following report that was, surprisingly, snubbed by CNN but published elsewhere. Ned Cantwell: So, Santa, if you had to do it over again, would you change anything? Santa Claus: Heavens, yes. This whole fat-guy-at-the-North-Pole image was a […]

Liars deserve frogs in their briefcases

Clyde Davis It had been unseasonably warm in western Pennsylvania the autumn of our seventh-grade year. And by the time our church’s fall mission conference rolled around in early November, we still had not had a freeze. That is important in this story, as is the briefcase, and the fact that the speaker who came […]

Would you like fruit and yogurt parfait with that?

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Wanda Montoya (left) and Kayleigh King work at Subway, where officials claim to offer healthy sandwiches. CNJ staff photo: Darrell Todd Maurina Gary Mitchell Fast-food restaurant officials say they are offering healthier fare these days — meals that will still tempt the tastebuds as the fat and calorie content of their core products come under […]