Nov. 28, 2008

LA JOLLA–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Goldman Sachs mastermind Robert Rubin was reportedly paid $105 million by Citigroup Monday for his advice this past year. He steered the company onto the rocks. Somali pirates wear his image on a medal around their necks. • Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson announced yet another bailout plan […]

Nov. 26, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Twilight sold out at movie theaters this week as every teenage girl in America went wild over a vampire. Teenagers influence everybody. This week every bank in New York City is begging for an allowance without even offering to take out the trash. • The Screen Actors Guild […]

Nov. 25, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama got adoring press coverage last week as Newsweek compared him to Abe Lincoln and Time compared him to Franklin Roosevelt. President Bush was miffed by the comparisons. Sure Abe Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt led the country out of a civil war and a great depression, but […]

Nov. 24, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Somali pirates seized a Saudi oil tanker off Africa’s coast Monday. The piracy is rampant because Somalia has no functioning government. It usually works out fine unless housing prices in California collapse and the pirates lose their bonuses. • Saudi Arabia negotiated with pirates who seized a tanker […]

Nov. 20, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama vowed on CBS’s 60 Minutes Sunday he’ll lobby for a college football playoff to replace the current computerized BCS rankings. That’s how tenacious he is. The elections’s been over for two weeks and he’s still trying to carry the South. • The New York Stock Exchange […]

Nov. 23, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Dick Cheney was indicted in South Texas Tuesday for profiting from the abuse of prisoners at federal detention centers run by a private company. He owns stock in the prison company. It shows the trouble you get into when you invest with your heart. • Somali pirates […]

Nov. 21, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama’s interview on CBS’s 60 Minutes Sunday drew the biggest ratings for the show in 10 years. He vowed to lobby for college football playoffs and end the BCS. They’d better do what he says, starting January 20th he has the nuclear football. • Somali pirates hijacked […]

Nov. 19, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Osama bin Laden issued a statement to the world on Saturday saying that Barack Obama is a Muslim because his father was a Muslim. That’s simply ridiculous. Does that make George W. Bush a good president just because his father was a good president? • Ringling Brothers was […]

Nov. 18, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The White House hosted a World Economic Summit Saturday. They drew up a 37-point plan to save the world. The first point was a directive to Barack Obama to make loaves and fishes and the next 36 points were recipes for sandwiches. • Los Angeles was swept by […]

Nov. 16, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin was asked at the GOP conference in Miami Wednesday if she will run for the White House. She replied if it’s God’s will she’ll plow through that door. She is four years away from the job and already her Secret Service code name is Janet […]

Nov. 14, 2008

OKLAHOMA CITY–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin was flooded by offers from Beverly Hills talent agents Monday. She is the only stock that’s going up. We knew Barack Obama was smart, if only we had known that when he said millions of Americans cling to God and guns, it was a stock […]

Nov. 13, 2008

OKLAHOMA CITY–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin discussed her future political plans during her Fox News interview with Greta Van Susteren this week. She’s not going away. Sarah Palin is God’s way of reminding Barack Obama if he turns out not to be funny, America has other options. • President Bush invited […]

Nov. 12, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush welcomed Barack Obama to the White House Monday. By all reports the two had a great meeting. For eight years President Bush told everybody that he talked to Jesus but Democrats didn’t believe it until they saw the pictures Monday. • President Bush’s body language was […]

Nov. 11, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin brushed off gossip by anonymous McCain aides Thursday. They called her a hillbilly who spends money like crazy and thinks Africa is a nation, not a continent. It’s the best impression of a Powerball Lottery winner anybody ever saw. • San Francisco officials decided Friday to […]

Nov. 10, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Wall Street fell 900 points in the first two days after Barack Obama’s election. It figures. Everyone was so worried about the riot damage by Democrats if Barack Obama lost they forgot about the cost of the Republican riot if he won. • Barack Obama held his first […]

Nov. 9, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama offered himself as an example of hope to a cheering Chicago crowd Tuesday. It whipped the crowd into a frenzy. If America can elect a black man president whose middle name is Hussein then next year’s the year for the Chicago Cubs. • John McCain […]

Nov. 7, 2008

OKLAHOMA CITY–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama was elected president of the United States on Tuesday. It was one for the history books. The Republicans feel the same way the British felt after Yorktown, thanks to some idiot named George on the throne they lost the entire country. • Barack Obama delivered […]

Nov. 6, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama won election to be the 44th president of the United States on Tuesday. It was a campaign launched by his opposition to the war. Barack Obama was so annoyed that President Bush doesn’t have an exit strategy that he gave him one. • Barack Obama […]

Nov. 5, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Hubble Telescope sent back photographs which astonished astronomers Monday, showing that the planet Mercury is covered in a mysterious blue gooey substance. It’s no mystery. It’s just Tim Russert out there somewhere awarding Mercury to Barack Obama. • Election Day had the biggest voter turnout ever Tuesday. […]

Nov. 4, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The U.S. Constitution requires Americans to elect a new president Tuesday. There are no losers on this day. The winner’s supporters will think they have a mandate to rule and the loser’s supporters will live in a parallel universe in which they won. • Election Day arrives today […]