Shoutouts — Oct. 2

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Family offers thanks to community When a family confronts sadness and misfortune with a gallant spirit, the family learns to live bravely and strong. For we know that sometimes the most beautiful intentions in the world cannot be seen or touched, they must be felt with the heart. We also know that a candle loses […]

Letter to the editor: True believers can be church

Friday’s CNJ contained an article about Christians who do not attend church. But there is so much more to the story than what was printed. There are many true believers who do not attend a traditional form of church whose story needs to be told. These believers have decided to simply BE the church instead […]

Jan. 2, 2009

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? Enjoy part three of our annual look back at things that made us laugh in 2008. • SEPTEMBER – Beverly Hills residents suffered more coyote attacks on their pets Monday. The coyotes deploy females in heat to lure dogs outside, then devour them. In their own defense the coyotes […]

Jan. 1, 2009

HOLLYWOOD–Happy New Year, and how’s everybody? Enjoy part two of our three-part look back at things that made us laugh in 2008. • MAY -

Dec. 31, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? It’s time for our annual look back at the year in jokes. Here’s part one, come back tomorrow and Friday for parts two and three. • JANUARY – President Bush proposed tax rebates Friday to hold up a sinking U.S. economy. It wasn’t all bad news. For years President […]

Dec. 30, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama was voted the Most Admired Man in America Friday and Hillary Clinton was named Most Admired Woman, however Sarah Palin finished right behind them. It sums up the nation’s current mood. If hope and forgiveness don’t work, get the gun. • New England Patriots star Tom […]

Dec. 29, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Valkyrie opened Friday about a German war hero who tried to kill Hitler. Close calls were the week’s theme. Hitler survived a suitcase bomb, Nixon survived an interview with Frost, and George W. Bush survived two attempts on his life by Florsheim. • The New York Times reports […]

Dec. 28, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–Merry Christmas, everybody, and God bless America. • The Detroit Lions take the field today with the chance to become the first NFL team in history to lose all sixteen of their games. Talk about overpaid. The only people in Detroit who had a lousier year and made more money were the auto executives. […]

Dec. 26, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush issued 19 pardons Tuesday, forgiving drug dealers and embezzlers and counterfeiters and people who lied to the Department of Housing. That wasn’t the worst of it. He also gave them a $700 billion bailout. • Vladimir Putin’s shirtless photo defeated Barack Obama’s shirtless photo in an […]

Dec. 25, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–Merry Christmas, everybody, and God bless America. • Barack Obama strolled the beaches in Hawaii on his vacation Tuesday. He didn’t have a chance to miss Chicago. He wasn’t in Honolulu for two days when Governor Rod Blagojevich tried to sell his beach chair to Jesse Jackson Jr. for $1 million. • The Baydan […]

Dec. 10, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The White House announced Thursday that President Bush has purchased a home in the Dallas suburb of Preston Hollow. The president must have paid cash for the house. Would you give a home loan to a guy with a trillion dollar deficit and no job? • Caroline Kennedy […]

Dec. 9, 2007

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Caroline Kennedy asked the governor of New York Thursday to appoint her to the U.S. Senate seat that’s being vacated by Hillary Clinton. The pattern’s clear. The U.S. Senate is now a day care center for the female relatives of legendary sex addicts. • President Bush went to […]

Dec. 8, 2007

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Big Three automakers asked Congress for a federal bailout Friday at the exact moment O.J. Simpson begged a Nevada judge for mercy. What did you expect? O.J. Simpson was the last guy to buy a Ford Bronco and it didn’t turn out well for either of them. […]

Dec. 7, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Laura Bush presided over the White House Christmas tree lighting ceremony last week on the South Lawn. The ceremony was especially moving this year. The Nativity Scene depicts Three Wise Men from Detroit asking the Baby Jesus for his first miracle. • President Bush bought a large […]

Dec. 5, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Plaxico Burress was wounded when his gun accidentally went off in his waistband in a nightclub Sunday. He claimed he was carrying it to protect his jewelry. If he really wanted to protect the family jewels, he was an idiot to put a gun in his pants. • […]

Dec. 4, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • New York Giants star Plaxico Burress was arrested Monday for carrying an unlicensed gun in a nightclub. He shot himself in the leg to keep from spilling his drink. He lost a lot of blood but luckily John Daly was a perfect match for a blood transfusion. • […]

Dec. 3, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Oklahoma Sooners passed Texas in the BCS Sunday for the chance to play the Alabama-Florida winner for the national title. It’s an obsession. It could be the middle of January before the entire South realizes we just elected a black president. • NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell expressed […]

Dec. 2, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • John Daly teed off in the Australian Open Thursday. He said his alcohol demons have been cured by stem cell treatment. Billy Graham has given up giving personal interventions like he did with George W. Bush and now he’s just mailing his hair to everyone. • Thanksgiving Day […]

Dec. 1, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Tiger Woods lost his $7 million endorsement deal with General Motors last week. He’ll recover. Within hours the Treasury Secretary offered Tiger Woods a $25 billion bailout if he would agree to a cut in salary and no bonus. • Thanksgiving Day had a huge spike in highway […]

Nov. 28, 2008

LA JOLLA–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Goldman Sachs mastermind Robert Rubin was reportedly paid $105 million by Citigroup Monday for his advice this past year. He steered the company onto the rocks. Somali pirates wear his image on a medal around their necks. • Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson announced yet another bailout plan […]