a view from under the pew: amos gets lost in a maze
amos the churchmouse:
a view from under the pew
Editor's note: Amos is a churchmouse who types by hurling himself at the keys, but he can't use the shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks -- except for hyphens and dashes.
amos gets lost in a maze
boss i don t know if you ve
ever been in a cornfield maze
or even a cotton patch maze
but it can be a frightfully
horrendous experience –
especially if you have one of
those country cousins of
marcellus the mean nasty ol
cat lurking around
it all started when i decided
to pay a visit to my country
cousin – a quiet intelligent field
mouse named derrill – actually
derrill is not really my cousin
but he is married to my
cousin bonita linda
at any rate somewhere near
tolar and taiban where derrill
lives there is a wheat field
maze the mystery of which
remains to this very day
derrill s favorite sport boss
is climbing windmills the
older the better and the more
rickety the better
for the life of me i can t
figure out why he does it
he says it s his calling in
life he claims the more he
runs up and down those
windmills the better they
work and the more water
they bring for all the starving
creatures on the prairie
his is a noble profession boss
and all the area field mice
love him dearly
derrill is a gentle soul who
can sing the spots off of a
chameleon and make the morning
dew droplets dance a jig on the
backs of razorback hogs boss
early one morning derrill took
me to climb up a nearby
windmill – i wasn t really
thrilled about the prospect of
winding my way up twenty or
thirty feet on a splintery wind
machine but off we went
boss i wasn t paying much
attention while we were walking
through the weeds and the wheat
plants – it all looked the same to
me – actually i was daydreaming
about how nice it would be to be
on the beach somewhere with
the ocean waves crashing in
on the white sandy shores
then suddenly boss i looked
around and didn t see anybody
or anything resembling derrill
all i could see for eternity were
wheat stalks growing straight
to the sun like giant oak trees
they were everywhere – silently
jeering at me mimicking me and
mocking me waving their
golden-grain heads menacingly
at me – and suddenly boss that
gentle friendly wheat field had
transformed into a monstrous
mysterious maze
i didn t know what to do boss
so i ran down whatever path my
little paws could find i turned
a corner and found myself
staring into the green-eyed glinty
gaze of marcellus the cat s most
notorious outlaw country cousin
– dead-eye jim – and i nearly
passed out from sheer fright
with a growl dead-eye jim
pounced straight for me and i
dived into the nearest clump
of wheat stalks
save me save me help me
somebody i screamed as i
scrambled panic-stricken through
the maze knocking down one
stalk after another with dead-eye
jim right on my heels
then boss i heard a voice shouting
from up above – not the lord s
voice – it was derrill shouting
from the top of a windmill that
looked like the old rugged cross
amos amos come up here
derrill was shouting at the top of
his little mousy lungs
and boss i headed straight for that
windmill with derrill hanging on it
and looking like jesus on the cross
it sure looked like my salvation boss
dead-eye jim had nearly caught up
with me and was about to spring on
my quivering body as i started
clamboring likety-split up that
rickety old windmill
of course cats climb very well boss
probably better than mice but just
as he was about to grab me good ol
derrill shagged a broken windmill
arm and hit dead-eye dead on
with his ego hurting more than
his head or body dead-eye slunk
his way back to the evil cats hangout
and derrill and i made our way
safely back home as well – each of
us with a wonderful tale of god s
grace love and protection to tell
amos
