Oct. 19, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Acorn workers fraudulently registered Mickey Mouse as a Democratic voter last week in Florida. It’s just crazy. There’s so much fraud in voter registration that five guys on Wall Street are thinking about securitizing it and selling it to German banks. • Barack Obama was revealed to […]

Oct. 17, 2008

OKLAHOMA CITY–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • CBS News anchor Bob Schieffer hosted the debate Wednesday between Barack Obama and John McCain. They spent 90 minutes thanking him for his question, ignoring the question, then doing their act. Marriage counselors always tell people in a rut like this to try new positions.

Oct. 16, 2008

OKLAHOMA CITY–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The San Fernando Valley was swept up by brushfires north of Los Angeles Monday which ignited in the canyons and burned suburban houses in the foothills. A lot of people told the firefighters to get lost. They don’t have insurance against foreclosure. • Wall Street enjoyed a […]

Oct. 15, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The San Fernando Valley was hit by wildfires Monday, forcing evacuations in Chatsworth. It halted production at the city’s many porno studios. If you want to watch Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac go down together you’ll have to buy the Wall Street Journal. • Wall Street soared 1,000 […]

Oct. 14, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin will host NBC’s Saturday Night Live in two weeks with Tina Fey. Don’t miss the opening segment. Sarah and Tina take turns saying idiotic things and the crowd has to guess which ones are jokes and which ones are Republican policy proposals. • The Catalina Sky […]

Oct. 13, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Wall Street staged a major rally after a disastrous opening Friday. The market responded to leadership. The rally began when Bill Clinton went on the air and reminded Americans that just because something is crooked doesn’t mean it can’t go up. • Baghdad’s stock market was reported booming […]

Oct. 12, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The White House took North Korea off the terrorism watch list Friday. They are relatively harmless. This year’s premiere episode of 24 has a suitcase nuclear bomb detonating in Times Square and doing less damage than President Bush has done. • President Bush revealed plans to nationalize […]

Oct. 10, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Cotton Bowl hosts the annual game between Oklahoma and Texas Saturday. The oil crowd is on their best behavior. They know if they spend too much money on alcohol and luxury hotels President Bush will seize college football and sell it to Citigroup. • Barack Obama was […]

Oct. 9, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • John McCain and Barack Obama had their second presidential debate in Nashville Tuesday at Belmont University. It was very tense. Before the debate even started, bomb-sniffing dogs went through the auditorium looking for Barack Obama’s old friends. • John McCain startled GOP debate viewers Tuesday by proposing a […]

Oct. 8, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush went on television to calm Wall Street Monday, prompting the Dow Jones to plummet. The more he talks the worse it gets. After eight hard fought innings, President Bush now leads al-Qaeda by a score of three bank buildings to two. • Sarah Palin campaigned in […]

Oct. 7, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • John McCain and Barack Obama hold a town-hall debate tonight in Nashville. They have made their way 100 miles north of their last debate in Mississippi. The Commission on Presidential Debates thought it would be fun to follow the path of the Underground Railroad. • O.J. Simpson was […]

Oct. 6, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? •

Oct. 5, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin and Joe Biden squared off in the vice presidential debate Thursday, televised from Washington University in St. Louis. Americans tuned in just to see how many mistakes they would make. That’s why the debate was sponsored by Liquid Paper. • Steve Fossett’s plane was located […]

Oct. 3, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush urged the Senate to pass the bailout bill Wednesday. It ballooned from three pages to100 pages to 500 pages. To introduce a bill with that much pork in it during the Jewish holidays must be against some kind of law. • President Bush’s low credibility rating […]

Oct. 2, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin will meet Senator Joe Biden Thursday at Washington University in St. Louis in the vice presidential debate. Americans will be rushing home tonight and popping popcorn. Everybody loves watching the Tournament of Imbeciles on Jeopardy. • John McCain’s debate with Barack Obama Friday drew unexpectedly low […]

Oct. 1, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was fined $25,000 Sunday for ripping a referee. It’s absolutely against NFL rules to criticize an official. President Bush came downstairs to work Monday wearing a black and white striped shirt. • Sarah Palin was in New York last week for the U.N. […]

Sept. 30, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Bill Clinton said Wednesday he’ll campaign for Barack Obama in the South after the Jewish holidays. Is he kidding? It’s been so long since Bill Clinton lived in the South he has forgotten that the only religion that matters is college football. • The USC Trojans were upset […]

Sept. 29, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama flew to Mississippi Friday to prepare for the first presidential debate at Ole Miss. The television audience tuned out. Once the governor stepped out of the doorway and allowed him into the auditorium, the drama was pretty much over. • The White House held contentious meetings […]

Sept. 28, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush invited leaders of Congress to the White House Thursday to sell them on his Wall Street bailout. Things look dire. The president warned them that if they don’t pass this bill Saddam Hussein will have nuclear weapons within the year. • Wall Street was flooded […]

Sept. 26, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush gave a televised address to the nation Wednesday about the Wall Street bailout. He said taxpayers must put up $700 billion dollars to save the financial system. At least when O.J. Simpson holds you up he signs a few autographs. • Roger Clemens was excluded from […]