Dec. 7, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Laura Bush presided over the White House Christmas tree lighting ceremony last week on the South Lawn. The ceremony was especially moving this year. The Nativity Scene depicts Three Wise Men from Detroit asking the Baby Jesus for his first miracle. • President Bush bought a large […]

Dec. 5, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Plaxico Burress was wounded when his gun accidentally went off in his waistband in a nightclub Sunday. He claimed he was carrying it to protect his jewelry. If he really wanted to protect the family jewels, he was an idiot to put a gun in his pants. • […]

Dec. 4, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • New York Giants star Plaxico Burress was arrested Monday for carrying an unlicensed gun in a nightclub. He shot himself in the leg to keep from spilling his drink. He lost a lot of blood but luckily John Daly was a perfect match for a blood transfusion. • […]

Dec. 3, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Oklahoma Sooners passed Texas in the BCS Sunday for the chance to play the Alabama-Florida winner for the national title. It’s an obsession. It could be the middle of January before the entire South realizes we just elected a black president. • NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell expressed […]

Dec. 2, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • John Daly teed off in the Australian Open Thursday. He said his alcohol demons have been cured by stem cell treatment. Billy Graham has given up giving personal interventions like he did with George W. Bush and now he’s just mailing his hair to everyone. • Thanksgiving Day […]

Dec. 1, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Tiger Woods lost his $7 million endorsement deal with General Motors last week. He’ll recover. Within hours the Treasury Secretary offered Tiger Woods a $25 billion bailout if he would agree to a cut in salary and no bonus. • Thanksgiving Day had a huge spike in highway […]

Nov. 28, 2008

LA JOLLA–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Goldman Sachs mastermind Robert Rubin was reportedly paid $105 million by Citigroup Monday for his advice this past year. He steered the company onto the rocks. Somali pirates wear his image on a medal around their necks. • Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson announced yet another bailout plan […]

Nov. 27, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin saved a turkey at a slaughterhouse Friday. As she talked on camera about animal rights, a man behind her grabbed a turkey and cut its head off. What impresses Hollywood about Alaskans is how they always get the laugh on the first take. • General Motors […]

Nov. 26, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Twilight sold out at movie theaters this week as every teenage girl in America went wild over a vampire. Teenagers influence everybody. This week every bank in New York City is begging for an allowance without even offering to take out the trash. • The Screen Actors Guild […]

Nov. 25, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama got adoring press coverage last week as Newsweek compared him to Abe Lincoln and Time compared him to Franklin Roosevelt. President Bush was miffed by the comparisons. Sure Abe Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt led the country out of a civil war and a great depression, but […]

Nov. 24, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Somali pirates seized a Saudi oil tanker off Africa’s coast Monday. The piracy is rampant because Somalia has no functioning government. It usually works out fine unless housing prices in California collapse and the pirates lose their bonuses. • Saudi Arabia negotiated with pirates who seized a tanker […]

Nov. 20, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama vowed on CBS’s 60 Minutes Sunday he’ll lobby for a college football playoff to replace the current computerized BCS rankings. That’s how tenacious he is. The elections’s been over for two weeks and he’s still trying to carry the South. • The New York Stock Exchange […]

Nov. 23, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Dick Cheney was indicted in South Texas Tuesday for profiting from the abuse of prisoners at federal detention centers run by a private company. He owns stock in the prison company. It shows the trouble you get into when you invest with your heart. • Somali pirates […]

Nov. 21, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama’s interview on CBS’s 60 Minutes Sunday drew the biggest ratings for the show in 10 years. He vowed to lobby for college football playoffs and end the BCS. They’d better do what he says, starting January 20th he has the nuclear football. • Somali pirates hijacked […]

Nov. 19, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Osama bin Laden issued a statement to the world on Saturday saying that Barack Obama is a Muslim because his father was a Muslim. That’s simply ridiculous. Does that make George W. Bush a good president just because his father was a good president? • Ringling Brothers was […]

Nov. 18, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The White House hosted a World Economic Summit Saturday. They drew up a 37-point plan to save the world. The first point was a directive to Barack Obama to make loaves and fishes and the next 36 points were recipes for sandwiches. • Los Angeles was swept by […]

Nov. 16, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin was asked at the GOP conference in Miami Wednesday if she will run for the White House. She replied if it’s God’s will she’ll plow through that door. She is four years away from the job and already her Secret Service code name is Janet […]

Nov. 14, 2008

OKLAHOMA CITY–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin was flooded by offers from Beverly Hills talent agents Monday. She is the only stock that’s going up. We knew Barack Obama was smart, if only we had known that when he said millions of Americans cling to God and guns, it was a stock […]

Nov. 13, 2008

OKLAHOMA CITY–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Sarah Palin discussed her future political plans during her Fox News interview with Greta Van Susteren this week. She’s not going away. Sarah Palin is God’s way of reminding Barack Obama if he turns out not to be funny, America has other options. • President Bush invited […]

Nov. 12, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush welcomed Barack Obama to the White House Monday. By all reports the two had a great meeting. For eight years President Bush told everybody that he talked to Jesus but Democrats didn’t believe it until they saw the pictures Monday. • President Bush’s body language was […]