Dec. 31, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? It’s time for our annual look back at the year in jokes. Here’s part one, come back tomorrow and Friday for parts two and three. • JANUARY – President Bush proposed tax rebates Friday to hold up a sinking U.S. economy. It wasn’t all bad news. For years President […]

Dec. 30, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama was voted the Most Admired Man in America Friday and Hillary Clinton was named Most Admired Woman, however Sarah Palin finished right behind them. It sums up the nation’s current mood. If hope and forgiveness don’t work, get the gun. • New England Patriots star Tom […]

Dec. 29, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Valkyrie opened Friday about a German war hero who tried to kill Hitler. Close calls were the week’s theme. Hitler survived a suitcase bomb, Nixon survived an interview with Frost, and George W. Bush survived two attempts on his life by Florsheim. • The New York Times reports […]

Dec. 28, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–Merry Christmas, everybody, and God bless America. • The Detroit Lions take the field today with the chance to become the first NFL team in history to lose all sixteen of their games. Talk about overpaid. The only people in Detroit who had a lousier year and made more money were the auto executives. […]

Dec. 26, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush issued 19 pardons Tuesday, forgiving drug dealers and embezzlers and counterfeiters and people who lied to the Department of Housing. That wasn’t the worst of it. He also gave them a $700 billion bailout. • Vladimir Putin’s shirtless photo defeated Barack Obama’s shirtless photo in an […]

Dec. 25, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS–Merry Christmas, everybody, and God bless America. • Barack Obama strolled the beaches in Hawaii on his vacation Tuesday. He didn’t have a chance to miss Chicago. He wasn’t in Honolulu for two days when Governor Rod Blagojevich tried to sell his beach chair to Jesse Jackson Jr. for $1 million. • The Baydan […]

Dec. 24, 2008

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Oklahoma Sooners coach Bob Stoops hinted Monday that OU may play in the Dallas Cowboys’ new stadium this fall. They’d play Brigham Young. If there’s one thing you can count on with these two schools it’s that there won’t be a gay wedding at halftime. • […]

Dec. 23, 2008

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Dallas Cowboys played their last game in Texas Stadium Saturday after four decades. What a cast of massive egos. Last week when the Iraqi journalist threw two shoes at President Bush, Terrell Owens complained that he was wide open on both plays. • Entourage star […]

Dec. 22, 2008

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The New York Yankees signed two pitchers for $242 million last week. Great pitchers are worth their weight in diamonds. California could end its budget problems if they could find a way to put Sandy Koufax out to stud. • The Weather Channel reports that a […]

Dec. 21, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS

Dec. 19, 2008

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama was named Time magazine’s Man of the Year Wednesday. He vowed to bring the nation together. There was a time when you could pay $100 a month to avoid Oprah Winfrey but now that she has signed with HBO that’s no longer possible. • […]

Dec. 18, 2008

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Los Angeles residents woke up Tuesday to the sight of snow on the Santa Monica mountains. No one can remember L.A. ever being so cold. Carjackers held guns to the heads of their victims and still could only make them move over to the passenger seat. […]

Dec. 16, 2007

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush was holding a surprise press conference in Baghdad Sunday when an Iraqi journalist stood up and threw two shoes at him. It’s inexcusable. If they had as much security in Baghdad as they have at an American airport, none of those guys would have […]

Dec. 15, 2008

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Wall Street tycoon Bernard Madoff confessed to a scam that stole $50 billion from investors. It was the biggest con in history. He was arraigned in Manhattan court Friday but not before he was presented the key to the City of Chicago. • St. Mark’s Episcopal […]

Dec. 14, 2008

BEVERLY HILLS

Dec. 12, 2008

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich laid low Wednesday after he was arrested for trying to sell a U.S. Senate seat. The cameras caught up with him at a local flea market. He was there to get something for his wife but no one would start the bidding. […]

Dec. 11, 2008

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The White House and Congress worked together Tuesday to come up with a federal bailout plan for the Big Three automakers. The idea isn’t polling well at all. Most Americans don’t care who makes the cars as long as O.J. Simpson makes the license plates. • […]

Dec. 10, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The White House announced Thursday that President Bush has purchased a home in the Dallas suburb of Preston Hollow. The president must have paid cash for the house. Would you give a home loan to a guy with a trillion dollar deficit and no job? • Caroline Kennedy […]

Dec. 9, 2007

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Caroline Kennedy asked the governor of New York Thursday to appoint her to the U.S. Senate seat that’s being vacated by Hillary Clinton. The pattern’s clear. The U.S. Senate is now a day care center for the female relatives of legendary sex addicts. • President Bush went to […]

Dec. 8, 2007

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Big Three automakers asked Congress for a federal bailout Friday at the exact moment O.J. Simpson begged a Nevada judge for mercy. What did you expect? O.J. Simpson was the last guy to buy a Ford Bronco and it didn’t turn out well for either of them. […]