Jan, 24, 2009

BEVERLY HILLS – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Pittsburgh Steeler fans were offered four added flights to the Super Bowl city of Tampa Thursday. The city has two airports. U.S. Airways is based in Pittsburgh and they will let each person select where they want to land, the Allegheny or the Monongahela. • […]

Jan. 23, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • J. Crew was swamped with orders for the peacoats Barack Obama’s daughters wore to the Inauguration. All the orders crashed its website. This recession will be over in a month if we can just get the girls to wear Buicks to the State of the Union. […]

Jan. 22, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Senator Dianne Feinstein emceed the Inaugural ceremony Tuesday. She accidentally mispronounced a word. She announced that the Chief Justice would execute the Oaf of Office and two Secret Service agents jumped in front of President Bush to save him. • President Obama attended St. John’s Episcopal […]

Jan. 21, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • U.S. Airways pilot Sully Sullenberger was asked to attend the Inauguration after he became a national hero in New York Friday. He belonged at the inauguration of Barack Obama. This gives us one guy who walks on water and one guy who lands on it. • […]

Jan. 19, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush’s poll numbers improved in his last week in office Friday. He’s made us much safer. The year he took office airliners were flying into New York skyscrapers, and thanks to his efforts they are now landing safely on the Hudson River. • Captain Sully […]

Jan. 18, 2009

BEVERLY HILLS – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • President Bush gave a farewell speech to the country Thursday. He gave himself a lot of credit for keeping America safe for the last seven years. Thanks to his policies, airliners now crash into New York City with nothing but a few minor injuries. • […]

Jan. 16, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Osama bin Laden issued a tape Tuesday saying Americans are glad President Bush is leaving because he led us into two guerrilla wars and into financial chaos. He’s been living in a cave so long he’s forgotten something. Nobody likes an I-told-you-so. • Cuba was favored […]

Jan. 15, 2008

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Hillary Clinton sailed through Senate confirmation hearings Tuesday. She didn’t blink when asked how she will handle the world’s hot spots. You can’t be married to Old Faithful for 33 years and not know something about geothermal energy. • President Bush will give his farewell speech […]

Jan. 14, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Goodwill Industries said Monday it’s doing a huge business selling formal wear for the Inaugural balls. There’s a reason everyone’s going to thrift shops to buy their formal wear. You need a credit score of at least 700 to rent a tuxedo. • President Bush gives […]

Jan. 13, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Barack Obama repeated his call for college football playoffs Friday. This year was the last straw. Everyone agrees that it’s utterly pointless to play an entire college football season just to have the national crown given to Caroline Kennedy. • President Bush will present Tony Blair […]

Jan. 12, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Oklahoma Sooners lost the BCS national title game to the Florida Gators on Thursday at the Orange Bowl in Miami Gardens. The loss was avoidable. The Sooners forgot the most important lesson of the Revolutionary War, never wear red in the woods. • The Oklahoma […]

Jan. 11, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Spider Man is helped by Barack Obama in a Marvel Comics issue this month. It’s nothing new. Forty-six years ago Action Comics had President Kennedy help protect Clark Kent’s identity in return for teaching him how to see through women’s clothes. • New York Giants playoff […]

Jan. 9, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Dallas Cowboys said Monday Oklahoma will play Brigham Young in the Cowboys’ brand new stadium in September. They found a cheap way to demolish and level their old facility. They are going to hire President Bush to bring democracy to the stadium. • President Bush […]

Jan. 8, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • The Oklahoma Sooners play Florida for the national title tonight. They’re both party schools. Every year the Betty Ford Center touch football championship is won by either the patients who graduated from Oklahoma or patients who graduated from Florida. • San Francisco was the site of […]

Jan. 7, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Caroline Kennedy was assailed Monday by opponents who claim she’s inarticulate and ill-informed. The doubts have set off a frenzy. Sarah Palin was forced to have a grandbaby out of wedlock the next day in order to keep her title as America’s Bimbo. • Charles Barkley […]

Jan. 6, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Caroline Kennedy gave an interview to the New York Times Friday which unmasked her as inarticulate and unknowledgable. She has absolutely no credentials to be a U.S. senator. Bill Clinton just offered to cheat on her if that will help her chances. • Senator Hillary Clinton […]

Jan. 5, 2009

HOLLYWOOD – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Israel and Gaza broke out in war Monday prompting violent Arab street protests against Israel. What’s lacking is leadership. Right now Yasser Arafat is in hell reconciling himself to the fact that he’ll have to share the place with Bernie Madoff. • Times Square had a […]

Jan. 4, 2009

BEVERLY HILLS – God bless America, and how’s everybody? • Marley and Me topped the box office with its story about a couple and their terribly behaved dog. What a moneymaking formula. Jerry Jones is now selling tickets to his new football stadium by chasing the Dallas Cowboys around town with a rolled-up newspaper. • […]

Jan. 2, 2009

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody? Enjoy part three of our annual look back at things that made us laugh in 2008. • SEPTEMBER – Beverly Hills residents suffered more coyote attacks on their pets Monday. The coyotes deploy females in heat to lure dogs outside, then devour them. In their own defense the coyotes […]

Jan. 1, 2009

HOLLYWOOD–Happy New Year, and how’s everybody? Enjoy part two of our three-part look back at things that made us laugh in 2008. • MAY -