Amos the churchmouse — Jonah the gourdhead

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer
keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens.

jonah the gourdhead
boss you remember jonah
the high-falutin frog
the fellow who always
thought he was better
than everybody else -
especially toads and mice
and all other varieties
of god s creatures

now they call him
jonah the gourdhead

why you ask
i ll tell you why
actually it s a rather
simple task as a matter
of fact

you see boss the lord
told jonah the frog
to hop to the eastern
sky to the land of
the toads

but poor jonah couldn t
stand toads boss
in fact he used to say
that toads were dumber
than clay – and clay was
dumber than amalgamated
dirt – but he said at least
clay was more useful
than toads were

still the lord told him
to go east to preach to
those toads
so what did jonah the
high-falutin frog do
he joyfully hopped west
as fast as his fat little
legs could spring

but then while crossing
the wild western desert
a rip-roaring sandstorm
slashed across the dunes

while trying to hop and
hide behind a big black
boulder jonah suddenly
found that boulder had
turned into the cavernous
mouth of pecos pete
the legendary boa
constrictor

and before you know
it boss ol jonah the
high-falutin frog was
swallowed whole

well it didn t take jonah
long before he started
hopping around in that
viper s belly
hollering for the lord
first to forgive him
then second to save him

sure enough after a few
miles across those
blazing desert dunes
pecos pete got the
awfulest stomach ache
boss and out came ol
slippery slimy jonah
headed lickety-split
east to the land of the toads

and boss as soon as he
arrived in toadville he
started preaching doom
death and destruction
to all toads
you could tell he was
going to be a real
popular guy there boss

but it worked
those toads repented
from the top of their
little pointy heads to
their flat webbed feet

was jonah happy boss -
not at all in fact he
wished he had never been
born and then he hopped
over to a nearby lily
pad to sulk

the lord then grew
a plant complete with
a little gourd to protect
him from the hot sun
the blowing dust and the
dismal storms

the next day though the
lord let the plant and
gourd die
and jonah the high-falutin
frog also wanted to die

what s the matter with
you the lord said
are you angry because
of the gourd

yes sir jonah said i
liked the little gourd

see how you are the
lord said here you are
caring about a gourd
when there are so many
toads who need me and
you – jonah you re a real
gourdhead the lord
chided him

and boss that s how jonah
the high-falutin frog
became a gourdhead -
by caring more about
things than other folks

amos