A view from under the pew: amos gets mailed

 Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer
keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens.

boss i suppose you re
already chuckling by now
i guess you heard that i
fell into a mail drop the
other day  word-of-mouth
news travels like wildfire
certainly a day or two
faster than the bugtussl
mail service

i know boss you re probably
wondering how an
unfortunate soul like me
falls prey to so many
misfortunes question mark
well it s fairly easy when
you re as small as i am and
about as coordinated as a
newborn puppy on ice

but back to the mail chute
boss i found myself on a
slow-moving conveyor belt
headed inevitably into what
looked like dark oblivion

suddenly out of the darkness
mechanical hands prodded and
poked me trying to stuff me
into boxes and manila envelopes
but i never quite seemed to fit
then one machine kept trying
to stamp either my head or my
tail  it was a nightmare boss

then came the sorting process
one machine tried to shove me
into a computer but both the
computer and i complained

they threw me here
they threw me there
under here and over there
anywhere and everywhere
except here where i ere

they dangled me by my tail
my foot and my nose
they wrangled me by my
whiskers my throat and my toes

when will this end says i
through my pinched nose

don t worry about it  nobody
really knows says a grizzled
old canary in a cage wrapped
in gaudy bows

it s best to take her as she
flows – both the highs and
the lows – round and round we
goes and where we stops
nobody knows

life is an adventure filled
with parties and pits
pizzazz and potholes – it s
up to you to make the best
of it whether you re in the
dough shining in the show or
up to your ear lobes in an
alligator-filled water hole

and you know what boss
my crude canary pal was right
although the apostle paul
perhaps said it better –
that the secret to a happy
and well-balanced life is to
learn to be content in whatever
state you find yourself

but boss sometimes in my
weaker moments i think to
myself that although paul
had to deal with shipwrecks
and prison stays he never
really had to contend with
the bugtussle mail service

amos

p s – by the way i ended up
in frog jump tennessee and
i m trying to get out of here
before i get squished