Amos the churchmouse: the spaghetti dive

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer  keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens.


boss there s a new form of

high-class entertainment

here in the church pew

underworld these days –

naw it s not roping wild

aphids or dunking

millipedes or trying to

catch greased pot-bellied

pigs – as much fun as

all that sounds


the young daredevils of the

church kitchen are calling it

the spaghetti dive and all the

church pew crew now flock

to the top of the water faucet to

dive into the church s leftover

sunday night spaghetti

and meatball dinner


it all started by accident or

at least by drunkenness

rudy the sewer rat thought

he was a high-wire circus

performer tiptoeing along

the edge of the kitchen sink

when he missed a step and

fell headlong into the bowl


help help says he

in between gurgles of

spaghetti sauce


it wasn t long boss before

a crowd began to gather

around the sink s edge

hey looky there rudy s

swimming in the spaghetti

hey rudy whatcha doing


help help was all the

drunken sewer rat could

utter but nobody heard

him through all the sauce


that looks like fun says

sammy salamander let s

dive in too last one in

is a grumpy old toad


so boss they all dived in

and rudy nearly drowned

in all the splashing but he

was happy he thought it

was the biggest rescue

party he d ever seen


that s how this ungodly

craze started boss and

now freddy flea and

sammy are daring me

to do the dive


some of the more fearless

ones were jumping off

the high dive – the top of

the faucet – complete with

somersaults flips and twists

it was an awesome sight

boss – but not for me


still they kept taunting me

and urging me to do it

finally against my better

judgment and the little

spirit voice inside me

i caved in to the pressure


teetering on the edge of

the kitchen sink i squinted

into the yawning blood-red

spiraling abyss of

spaghetti hell


i was about to turn

around and walk

determinedly back home

when my little mousy toes

slipped and i did a

sprawling double-back

flip over and into the

looming pasta bowl

amid hoots and hollers

and oohs and aahs


i landed with an

ungraceful splash and

a ricocheting meatball

thunked me on the head


boss i was sinking the

spaghetti strands closed

around me dragging me

down down down

i gasped for air and all i

could pray was father

don t let me be entangled

in bondage again


the lord must have heard

me through my spurts and

gurgles because suddenly

louie the songdog s big

smiling hairy jowls

grabbed me by the nape

of my neck pulled me up

out of the spaghetti mire

and set my little feet on

the solid kitchen counter

i kissed it twice boss and

the dog once



p s – louie the songdog

looks a lot like jesus

to me now boss