A view from under the pew: Amos

amos the churchmouse:

a view from under the pew

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by flinging himself at the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

black friday woes for amos

boss i was checking on

the specials at sara

spider s underground

discount store the

other day

the moment i stepped

from my snuggly

warm little matchbox

i knew the rat race

was on

crows and magpies were

standing on street

corners hawking their

christmas wares

ratty raccoons and

persnickety pack rats

hornswaggled and hoarded

trash and treasures alike

and not only that boss

swarms of locusts

grasshoppers lady bugs and

other insects crowded

the bugtussle mall

fur feathers frocks

and flying parts were

scattered in every direction

i tell you boss

christmas was lost

somewhere in the shuffle

all i wanted was a

tiny little red flashing

light to decorate the

top of my christmas

tree sprig propped

against my little

matchbox home that s

all i needed boss

but what a mess

i was bounced

bumped thumped

shoved and submarined

mostly by a couple of

horned toads

and some loudmouthed

floppy-eared dog

trounced all over

my tail

i started to pout

but i wanted to shout

let me outta here

what s it all about

anyway question mark

here boss

just then sammy

salamander came

wiggling his way

through the crowd

follow me he said

but i can t wiggle

anything except

my head i said

cause my tail is dead

never mind that he

said just go where i

go and be sure

to watch your toes


we wiggled away

far from the mall

to a lonely tableau

under the stars

a manger scene

so alone but

right in the heart

of the town of bugtussle

jenny my next door

neighbor was playing

mary and willifred the

white rat was joseph

freddy flea played the

role of baby jesus

virgil the praying

mantis was a shepherd

robin redjoy oliver

owl and rawley eagle

were the wise men and

louie the songdog was a cow

this is a crazy scene said

i why the strange garb

the fuss and the weird

ceremony – and all of it

so far away from the

malling crowd what s so

all-fired important you had

to drag me away from my

tiny little red flashing light

for my christmas tree sprig

sammy just looked at me and

smiled that all-knowing

salamander smile and said

you wanted to know about

christmas – you re standing

at the very heart of its

mystery and miracle right now

the birth of god s very own

son said louie most reverently


p s – oops ran out of room

again boss sort of like the

innkeeper in bethlehem

by the way boss i wish you

wouldn t leave the radio on

when you leave

if i hear – grandma got run

over by a reindeer – one more

time i m going to offer myself

to marcellus the cat as a self-sacrifice