McGee: Lost without driver’s license

Have you ever lost your driver's license? I lost mine last week.

I wouldn't have noticed it, except I dropped my wallet the other day at a yard sale. There it lay, wide open on the ground and something was missing.

"My driver's license is gone!" I exclaimed to The Lady of the House.

"MY DRIVER'S LICENSE IS GONE!" I repeated in a higher octave.

"When did you have it last?" asked The Lady of the House in a calm voice.

My mind raced…

Did I have it at the bank? Yes.

Did I have it at the library book sale? No, I missed the library book sale.

Did I have it at a downtown store? No, I wasn't at a downtown store.

Did secret agents land in my backyard with a black helicopter at midnight, slip into the house and swipe it from my wallet in the pocket of my cargo shorts hanging on the chair in the bedroom?

Probably not.

"I remember!" I exclaimed. "It's at the movie rental store."

"Good," said The Lady of the House. "That's solved, now we can get on with our day."

"But, but …" I stammered. "I have to have my driver's license. I'm naked without it. What if I'm stopped and asked for my papers?"

"It's safe and sound at that store," said The Lady of the House. "I'm sure they have it safe in a drawer."

"But, but …" I said, "What if someone stole it and they stole my identity and started a whole new life. Maybe they bought an island in the Caribbean. And as we speak they're sailing in a 40-foot yacht with a giant Irish wolfhound named Socrates…"

The Lady of the House looked at me.

"Your credit's not THAT good," she said. "Just call the store."

So I did. It was safe in a drawer.

"Socrates?" asked The Lady of the House.

"Yeah," I said. "Great name, huh?"

Grant McGee is a long-time broadcaster and former truck driver who rides bicycles and likes to talk about his many adventures on the road of life. Contact him at: bikedude@plateautel.net.

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