amos the churchmouse: amos lit up for christmas

Gary Mitchell

amos the churchmouse:

a view from under the pew

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard keys, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

amos lit up for christmas

boss i don t know if
you ve noticed the
wonder of the lighted
world around us
at this time of year
but sometimes it
takes my breath away

like yesterday for
example

i decided to decorate
my own little humble
matchbox abode with
a string of multicolored
blinking lights actually i
thought about those
lovely icicle-looking
white lights but by the
time i hung them in
lustrous array around
my matchbox home
they spread out a
half-mile in all
directions and nobody
could come visit me
and i could never
leave home without
tippytoeing through
the lights and burning
my little pink paws

but the little red green
blue and yellow blinking
lights will do just fine
thank you boss – at least
i hope they won t burn up
my little matchbox house
in the process

so you can imagine my
excitement when i opened
up the box and the string
of lights tumbled out
all over the floor

of course boss i had to
find the plug end so i
waded in like a crazy
dimwitted fool

it wasn t long before i
found myself completely
engulfed by strands of
electrical wire and brightly
colored bulbs of varying
intensity i had wires and
bulbs around each of my
four legs around my throat
circling my ears and wrapped
fifty times around my tail
and boss i suspected i was
in trouble

i knew i was definitely in
trouble when i saw freddy
the flea hopping by and
laughing uncontrollably

whatcha doing amos says he

trying to find my feet says me

just look down says he you re
such a clown
and off he hops boss with nary
a frown

but it got worse because the
ladies songbird choir came
chirping by singing christmas
carols in the frosty air they
chirped here and they chirped
there all seeming without
a care first about we
three kings and ending with
god rest ye merry gentlemen

i wasn t a cheerful audience
boss now i know how a bird
in sing-sing feels says me
mournfully trying to sit on
my heels

then the worst happened
boss marcellus the mean ol
nasty cat found me but
worse than that he found
the plug end to the light set

oh god help me i prayed with
fervent intensity and closed
my eyes fearing my destiny

but lo and behold boss
marcellus grinned a big cat
grin and said here have a
merry christmas my friend

and boss i fainted dead away
in joyful yuletide hilarity