amos the churchmouse: pastor leroy and his bulletin bloopers

Gary Mitchell

amos the churchmouse:
a view from under the pew

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

pastor leroy and his bulletin bloopers

boss pastor leroy beetle
has been having some
difficulty with the
english language in
communicating church news
to his constituents through
the weekly church bulletin

it seems he keeps a
perpetual employment
notice in the newspaper
for a competent church
secretary boss
he hasn t had much luck
with the ones who have
come to work for him

his first secretary
bertha bedbug just had
problems expressing
ideas well
for example her first
bulletin note had the
following notice -
our next song is angels
we have heard get high -

a little farther into the
bulletin bertha offered
the following suggestions -
don t let worry kill you
let the church help -
and this admonition for
prayer –
remember in prayer the many
who are sick of our church
and community -

bertha didn t stay long
as church secretary boss
she was replaced by a
rather insensitive creature
tammi toad

tammi s first bulletin
sprouted this gem -
for those of you who have
children and don t know it
we have a nursery downstairs -
and this one as well -
weight watchers will meet at
seven p m at the first
presbyterian church please
use the large double door
at the side entrance -

next came along rhonda
rabbit who seemed to be
preoccupied with children
here is one of her tributes -
the rosebud on the altar this
morning is to announce the birth
of david alan belzer the sin of
rev and mrs julius belzer -
that one was followed quickly
with this one -
this afternoon there will be a
meeting in the south and north
ends of the church children will
be baptized at both ends -

but boss probably the most
embarrassing of the bunch
came from polly purebug

here are some of her classics -

tuesday at four p m there will
be an ice cream social