By Kevin Wilson: FNM columnist
The good news is I have a few ideas for a column. The bad news is none of those ideas has more than a few paragraphs of life before it amounts to beating a dead horse.
So here are some of the things I was considering dedicating entire columns to before only slightly better judgment won:
• I first heard about Manny Ramirez as a half-thought. My friend Ben had told me the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger was missing the next 50 games.
I didn’t automatically assume it was a suspension for performance enhancing drugs, largely because it’s Manny Ramirez and nothing he does would surprise me. I seriously wondered … is he taking time off to promote a jazz album? Did he land a movie role? Did he injure himself falling off a unicycle?
Nope, it’s PEDs.
Some friends who follow the Red Sox expressed joy the team traded him last year, oblivious to the fact the MVP for their 2004 World Series title winner is now caught in a steroids scandal.
And I expect the court of public opinion will soon convict Boston’s other slugger, David Ortiz. He averaged 45 homers per 162 games with Boston before this year, when steroid testing became more rigorous; as of Tuesday, he’s batting .224 with more triples (1) than homers (0).
• I’ve always wanted two things for reasons I can’t justify. One is that Britney Spears do an album where she covers Debbie Gibson songs. The other is that Tom Hanks does one more screwball comedy like “The Pit” or “The Burbs.”
But now, I’m thinking Hanks might have bigger troubles. Monday night on Letterman he was describing some place being cold. He said, “It was ice planet Hoth cold. You know, Hoth, where Captain Kirk goes to find Spock.”
Hoth was actually from “Star Wars: Episode V,” and by mingling “Star Wars” with “Star Trek,” he has unleashed the fury of two movie geek cultures.
I fear they’ll hound Hanks for months — unaware of the irony of demanding historical accuracy on fictional events in fictional galaxies.
• And back to sports, where the Dallas Mavericks have lived to see at least one more game against the Denver Nuggets.
I wish the Mavericks were eliminated already, if only for the way they handled their 106-105 loss to Denver. With the Nuggets down two, Dallas had one foul before Denver would get bonus free throws.
Antoine Wright bumped Denver’s Carmelo Anthony with this purpose in mind. No foul was called, and Anthony hit the game-winning 3-pointer.
Yeah, the foul should have been called, but Wright didn’t help matters by sticking his arms straight up after the bump, universal basketball player sign language for, “I didn’t foul him.”
And Dallas Coach Rick Carlisle said he assumed referees knew the Mavericks had a foul to give. Psst, Rick … it’s not the referee’s job to know team and player foul counts; that’s what the scorer’s table is for. And if you intend to intentionally foul, why not tell a referee?
I later posted a Facebook status that said, “If the Dallas Mavericks don’t know how to intentionally foul somebody so he doesn’t get a shot off, they don’t belong in the West finals.”
My friend Greg commented, “The Dallas Mavericks don’t belong in the West finals. Wasn’t that easier?”
Yes, it was, Greg. Yes, it was.
Kevin Wilson is a columnist for Freedom New Mexico. He can be contacted at 763-3431, ext. 313, or by e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org