a view from under the pew: amos lit up for christmas

By Gary Mitchell: CNJ religion columnist

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard keys, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

amos lit up for christmas

boss i don t know if

you ve noticed the

wonder of the lighted

world around us

at this time of year

but sometimes it

takes my breath away

like yesterday for

example

i decided to decorate

my own little humble

matchbox abode with

a string of multicolored

blinking lights actually i

thought about those

lovely icicle-looking

white lights but by the

time i hung them in

lustrous array around

my matchbox home

they spread out a

half-mile in all

directions and nobody

could come visit me

and i could never

leave home without

tippytoeing through

the lights and burning

my little pink paws

but the little red green

blue and yellow blinking

lights will do just fine

thank you boss – at least

i hope they won t burn up

my little matchbox house

in the process

so you can imagine my

excitement when i opened

up the box and the string

of lights tumbled out

all over the floor

of course boss i had to

find the plug end so i

waded in like a crazy

dimwitted fool

it wasn t long before i

found myself completely

engulfed by strands of

electrical wire and brightly

colored bulbs of varying

intensity i had wires and

bulbs around each of my

four legs around my throat

circling my ears and wrapped

fifty times around my tail

and boss i suspected i was

in trouble

i knew i was definitely in

trouble when i saw freddy

the flea hopping by and

laughing uncontrollably

whatcha doing amos says he

trying to find my feet says me

just look down says he you re

such a clown

and off he hops boss with nary

a frown

but it got worse because the

ladies songbird choir came

chirping by singing christmas

carols in the frosty air they

chirped here and they chirped

there all seeming without

a care first about we

three kings and ending with

god rest ye merry gentlemen

i wasn t a cheerful audience

boss now i know how a bird

in sing-sing feels says me

mournfully trying to sit on

my heels

then the worst happened

boss marcellus the mean ol

nasty cat found me but

worse than that he found

the plug end to the light set

oh god help me i prayed with

fervent intensity and closed

my eyes fearing my destiny

but lo and behold boss

marcellus grinned a big cat

grin and said here have a

merry christmas my friend

and boss i fainted dead away

in joyful yuletide hilarity

amos

p s – from the church pew

underworld