a view from under the pew: toilet paper cat calamity

By Gary Mitchell: CNJ religion columnist

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

toilet paper cat calamity

marcellus the mangy

ungodly cat has been

running amuck here boss

terrorizing little mice

hamsters guinea pigs and

even experimental white

rats like willifred

in fact boss we little mice

kept hidden away in our little

cramped mousey corners

scarcely daring to breathe

much less take a stroll to the

kitchen grocery store

something s gotta be done

says willifred the white rat

on his soapbox in the corner

of the bugtussle town hall we

need someone to divert

marcellus s attention elsewhere

so we can get on with our lives

hear hear says all the other

mice and small songbirds known

affectionately as the tweety

fan club

then willifred the white rat

made a nomination that made

the hairs stand up on my little

goose-bumped neck – because

of his great creativity and

ingenuity i nominate amos to

create the marcellus diversion

for the rest of us

hear hear says all the other

mice and small songbirds again

no no says me but nobody

paid any mind to me at the time

it was decided that i would

initiate the great diversionary

tactic at midnight that night

but boss i had no idea what

to do so i went to seek some

serious advice

first i sought out charlotte

the wondrous web-making

spider and of course she

told me to knit the world s

largest cat web

cat web says me i never

heard of a cat web

that s because nobody s

ever done it before – you

could create the world s

first one charlotte says

mice don t create webs

says me i can t do something

like that and off i went to

see ollie the otter

build a big ol cat dam says he

cat dam says me how do

you make a cat dam

first you have to find a

river and get the cat to

follow in the water

i don t think that s

gonna happen says me

so off i went to sulk in

grandiose pity

midnight came and i

hesitantly edged out of my

little mousey hole searching

the room for mean ol mangy

marcellus