July 29, 2008

HOLLYWOOD–God bless America, and how’s everybody?

• John Edwards refused comment Saturday after he was spotted seeing his mistress and love child at the Beverly Hilton. A lot of people are angry. Comedians wasted one year rooting for Hillary Clinton thinking she was the candidate of adultery jokes.

• The U.S. Olympic basketball team played a practice game in Las Vegas Friday, then flew to Macau for two more. The NBA stars are playing three games in two gambling capitals. They never should have hired Charles Barkley as their strength and conditioning coach.

• Medical marijuana dealer Charlie Lynch went on trial in Los Angeles Friday. It’s taking awhile to impanel a jury. As soon as potential jurors hear that the guy is on trial for selling medical marijuana, they take out their wallets and get in line.

• The International Comic Book Convention met in San Diego last weekend. Lots of money changed hands on the floor. After the success of Batman and Superman and Spider-Man, Hollywood studios were signing doodles on cocktail napkins to three-picture deals.

• New York’s Mercantile Exchange saw oil futures prices finally begin to go down this past week. The insanely high gasoline prices have forced everyone to adjust. In California, the arsonists had to use sprinkler cans to start this year’s brushfires.

• Mississippi death-row inmate Dale Leo Bishop endorsed Barack Obama on Wednesday minutes before the convicted murderer was executed. You can’t fault his logic. Since he couldn’t get a pardon from the governor he thought he’d go straight to Jesus.

• Dennis Kucinich appeared before the House Judiciary Committee Friday and laid out his case for impeaching President Bush for lying about Iraq having weapons of mass destruction. The president’s best bet is to plead ignorance. He can prove that.

• John McCain spoke by satellite to the National Disability Forum in Columbus on Saturday. There’s a reason he spoke by satellite. John McCain doesn’t go anyplace where he’s assigned the 600th-best parking space at the conference.

• John McCain spent Friday in Aspen enjoying a one-on-one meeting with the Dalai Lama. He’s the Tibetan spiritual leader who espouses meditation and love to achieve peace and enlightenment. He’s been persona non grata at the White House for six years.

• John McCain complained Saturday he is not getting fair treatment in the media while all Barack Obama gets is adulation. It’s not the first time. All throughout the Vietnam War, he couldn’t get on page three whenever Jane Fonda made an overseas trip.

• Barack Obama had meetings in London Saturday with Tony Blair and Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Tory leader David Cameron. They learned his mother was of English descent and his father was a British subject. Prince Harry didn’t pass muster this fast.

• Barack Obama and David Cameron were overheard discussing the need for politicians to take vacations and to demand daily quiet time for thinking. This runs counter to the Puritan ethic. Americans believe that too much free time leads to impeachment.

• The International Olympic Committee on Thursday kicked Iraq’s Olympic team out of the Summer Games in China. The Shiites are very difficult to train. During baseball practice, the outfielders didn’t just overthrow the cut-off man, they toppled his statue.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.