a view from under the pew: amos encounters greg the groundhog

By Gary Mitchell: Local columnist

Editor’s note: As Groundhog Day nears, Amos recalled the first time he met a strange creature named Greg the Groundhog, who had issues with his

more-famous counterpart. Amos is a church mouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift keys, and he shuns punctuation marks — except dashes and hyphens.

amos encounters
greg the groundhog

boss i am so happy to
see january fading away
surely february will bring
warm joy-filled days
but maybe not
not if you believe that
eccentric groundhog
named greg i met the
other day

he must have wakened
on the wrong side or at
least on the wrong day

he was the rudest
most egotistical
groundhog i ll
ever meet

he was grumping and
harrumphing groaning
and moaning to beat
the heat

what s the matter says
me you re not acting
so very cheerfully

of course not says he
rather miserably look at
me am i not the epitome
of weather predictability
greg the groundhog is the
top dog of fogs bogs and
rain-soakin sogs i m the
best in the west east
north and all the rest

but who gets all the top
press who claims that
he s the best some dog of a
groundhog named
pawpucket phil or
whatever you will

well maybe says me that
he s just predicting for
his territory his own part
of the country and you can
prognosticate for our
little city and surrounding
community

our community says he
with a shout who cares
about this little drip of a
water spout i have greater
dreams in sight my career
is just taking flight why
anything less than a
continent wouldn t be
right now go on my
little mouse go chase
yourself a little louse or
at least go on back to
your house

you see i ve got to
stick my head out of
my hole and predict the
future of winter or spring
cause that s my role
after all i m the celebrity
of the day and nobody and
nothing s going to get in
my way

oh yeah says me a little
bit defiantly you better
be careful what you say
cause god is listening
all the time every day
he hears you when you
sob and pray and he
hears you when you gloat
and bray
you just need to watch
out or you ll get what you
say in the way you pray

and sure enough boss
the lord must have
listened in cause when
greg the groundhog
popped up early this
morning he was hit
square in the mug by a
load full of muck snow
and mud splattered by
a city dump truck

so boss we may never know
what greg s fascinating
prediction might have
foretold — it could have been
warm or maybe more cold
but for him it ll be a long
wintry din-din of eating
self- glorified dirt pride and sin
amos

p s — boss i really hope
this winter can be cut
short by god s mercy and
grace mainly cause my
toes still are froze and my
little tail thinks it s turned
into a permanent icicle