happy birthday amos

Gary Mitchell: CNJ columnist

happy birthday amos

boss having a birthday
isn t so bad – if only
you didn t have to age any

you ask me how old i
am but i think i ll adopt
the same policy that
the giant redwoods of
california fame have –
never reveal your age
until it s all over – and
above all never outlive
your usefulness

boss i woke up this morning
feeling rather decrepit and
worn-out even my cozy little
matchbox bed looked like it
had a lot of old gray cobwebs
all around it when i rolled out
of bed i stubbed my little
mousy paw – it hurts more when
you get older you know boss –
my favorite cheesecloth suit
looked tattered and worn even
my shoes were old and wrinkled
life seemed dreary dismal and
gloomy i was a bit depressed

happy birthday amos
says freddy the flea as
he hopped happily by

thanks says me a bit

just overhead robin
redjoy flew high in the
air hey happy birthday
down there you mousy
gray hair she chirped
as she soared away
without a worry or a care

thanks a lot says me grumpily
i hope you hit a tree

just then boss a gang of beastly
roaches circled me just after i
passed some roses but i never
really saw them until i
inadvertently bumped into their
noses – if they have noses

hey watch where you re going
you old mouse says one of
the young punk insects

then get out of my way
says me angrily

oh he s a tough old mouse
says one of the thugs

either that or he s an ugly old
grouse says another of the bugs

then they all yelled and they
pounced on me with all their
roachy force whipping me
with their antennae nipping at
my furry skin and pummeling
me with multitudinous legs

it was awful boss – i ve been
scalded by hot water pounced
on by alley cats covered in
jello and chocolate and tangled
up in a waxy mop but nothing
can compare to being roached

they left me in a disheveled
heap behind the rose bush
i don t know how long i was
there when louie the songdog
padded by and sang out happy
birthday amos

yeah right says me dejectedly

but you know what boss he
helped me up and licked me
in the face combed back my
natty gray hair patted me
on the back and says – you re
okay now have a happy day

and off he trotted while robin
redjoy flew over with a bright
yellow happy birthday banner
– and all my friends gathered
round and sang for he s
a jolly good mouse

good friends make birthdays
and everyday life a lot better
don t they boss – not to mention
the birthday cheesecake they
gave me


Editor’s note: Amos is a church mouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.