Grant McGee: Guest columnist
You know how you feel when you suddenly have an answer about some of the mysteries of life?
You might feel like a light bulb has blinked on in your head.
I’ve had a whole year like that.
For instance: families. When I see families who function the way we as a society idealize they should, I think about mine, which is not close at all.
My friend Lizzie summed it up: “You weren’t that close with your brother and sister when you were a kid.”
Lizzie reads, digests and remembers a lot of books.
Lizzie pointed out why I was lousy at marriage.
“You went out into the world thinking all women were good and trustworthy. Women are just like men. We’re all human.
“You also jumped into marriage too quickly.”
I think I knew that.
During quiet times at my groovy d.j. pad in downtown Clovis, I came to other realizations: Some people like to busy themselves with other people’s lives so they don’t have to deal with their own, and some people fill their lives with things and the pursuit of those things and money to try and fill an emptiness.
I learned more about divorce.
I came to understand if a couple can’t resolve their differences and cast their fate to the courts, the courts follow the law. However, couples can stop the nastiness, work things out and have a new agreement notarized and put before the court.
Funny, no lawyer ever volunteered that information to me, but then how many couples can stop the nastiness?
I came to understand why some spouses continually focus their rage on their ex-spouses when they come to pick up their children or any time they come in contact with each other. Those spouses may want to chase their ex away following the feeling, “If you don’t want me, you can’t have the children either,” eventually driving the other spouse out of their lives and the lives of their children entirely.
I found a copy of “Conversations with God” at a church rummage sale here in Clovis. There’s food for thought in that book. For instance, all human emotions spring from love and fear.
That lesson linked with another on why people who are tough to get along with are the way they are: In their own way they are afraid of the world. I don’t remember the name of the book that one came from but it went on to explain if you do everything a difficult person expects you to do, then they are in harmony. Don’t and you become part of the world they fear.
That concept opened up a world of understanding about people in my life whose actions haunted me for years.
These are just a few of the realizations I’ve had over the past year. It’s funny how my all-time favorite saying fits into all of them: “Expectation is the greatest source of suffering.”
It seems we expect so much from each other and about so many things.
What if we didn’t?
Grant McGee hosts the weekday morning show on KTQM-FM in Clovis. Contact him at: