Men, women planets apart

By Curtis Shelburne


If I ever actually had any doubt (and I didn’t) that, to borrow from the wise guy’s book title, men really are from Mars and women really are from Venus, getting dinner on a recent evening would have put that doubt to rest yet again.

There was no fuss. My wife and I really don’t fuss much. Well, to be completely accurate, we don’t fuss much REALLY. We fuss all the time good-naturedly, but that’s fun.

Anyway, we’d wasted an hour or so trying to decide what we wanted for dinner. Neither of us was too excited about what was available in the house. We finally decided on the American Heart Association’s old standby, cheese nachos. (Oh, yes, nachos are a heart-healthy food, you see, because of the jalapeños.)

By that time, I was really getting hungry and was having visions of nachos resting under the oven broiler, cheese bubbling, jalapeños nicely wrinkling, and tostados sizzling to a dark brown just around the edges. Slap on a little sour cream, if you wish, and …

Rats! No jalapeños. How did we run out of that staple item? None in the house.

Back to Square One.

That’s when we decided on pizza. We whipped out the pizza coupons. We ordered. We wrote the check. I was halfway out the door …

That’s when my dear wife called out sweetly, “Do you want me to go with you?”

I know now how, Martian that I am, I should have answered this dear Venusian immigrant.

“Why, yes, O love of my life and exalted mother of my children! Yes! Come with me to the Palace of Pizza Delight, O dearest one.”

What I really said, in a hurried tone of surprise and bewilderment, was, “Huh? Well, yeah, OK, if ya want to, but hurry up! I’m starvin’!”

Gentlemen, fellow Martians, if you notice your wife’s lower lip stuck out just a tad after hearing such a reply, you should realize that people of the female persuasion, people from Venus, use this as a non-verbal expression of hurt and displeasure.

Well, she did go with me, and we even had a little time to talk about life and our feelings on the way to and fro. But what this illustrates, yet again, is a fundamental difference between the sexes.

For men, fulfillment comes in reaching a goal. Want pizza? I’ll get it! My plan is to do whatever it takes to focus only on that moment when I’m wrapping my gums around the object of my hunt and greasing my capillaries with juice from Italian sausage!

For women, fulfillment comes through the journey. Want pizza? Well, yes, we’ll enjoy eating it, but just as important as the acquisition is how we get it. “Hey, honey, let’s go together!”

Mark it down, Martians. These principles apply to EVERY area of your marriage. God made us this way, and, thank the Lord, it takes the combined perspective of both Martians and Venusians to make things on Earth work well.

Curtis Shelburne is minister at 16th and Ave. D Church of Christ in Muleshoe. He can be contacted at: